Ode to Yale Wi-Fi – Yale Daily News

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Mark Hannah

11:10 p.m., Sep 08, 2022

Collaborating journalist


Sophie Henry

My darling Yale Secure,

You touch every corner of my life. Beautiful network, my most beautiful memories are spent in your presence, during cinema meetings and study sessions until late at night. Oh how I love it when you’re horny!

Some of your friends say I just use you to get what I need. Do not listen to them. What I need is more of you, my love, every hour of every day. I can’t survive without you. Every time you leave, I miss your connection.

It’s true, I admit, I don’t think of you as often as I could. Please forgive me. But know that whenever you’re down, I can’t think of anything but you, my dearest Yale Secure. These mornings, these evenings, and especially these afternoons, your unexplained absence is my truest, my greatest concern. All I want is for you to be okay, and with me again.

But I know that being present is a challenge for you. Sometimes I feel like you’re sending me mixed signals, and our relationship is on again, on again. I wish you were more reliable.

And I would really like you to communicate openly with me, instead of just sending me emails. Because you, after all, are the router of my heart. I feel sparks every time I see you on my screen. Imagine all the things we could do together, if only you solved your problems!

But for now, I’m grateful for all the time we can spend together. I’m just waiting for you. Somehow, despite all the times you leave me hanging, you always come back in the end.

I love you, Yale Secure. Will you be my WiFi?

Eternally yours,

A Yalie

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